Honestly, when you enter a relationship you better believe friends are included as a package deal. Just as they say when you marry, you're marrying their family and friends. But really, how could that statement be any truer?
If you can't handle my friends, you sure as heck can't handle me. And if you can't accept them, then I'm sorry they're far more important and valuable in my life.
I had to learn the hard way. I unknowingly pushed the ones that I loved away. Why? Because I was blindsided by a thing that I thought was love. Was it really love to begin with if the people that you cared for were being seen and visited rarely because a guy tried to distance you from them?
I'll admit during the honeymoon stage of the relationship I was blind. Started dating my ex my junior year of college. He lived four hours away. I always wanted to text if we couldn't talk and I would always try to find a way for either one of us to visit each other.
The first time he came down to visit me at my school he met some of my friends, who I am proud to call lifelong friends. I didn't know until later on that they got this weird vibe from him and they didn't like it. But, they respected me and my decision to be with him. As time and years went by, I happened to see them every now and then. He would try to keep me from them in a way that I hardly, if ever, had "Girls Time."
That right there should've been my red flag! But of course, I just brushed it off. Even with my best friend, she always gives me the best advice and tells me what I need to hear. But I'll admit again, I'm hardheaded and I don't always listen. I remember countless times of me calling and texting my bestie in the middle of the night and even during the day crying and telling her everything that's going on. She always told me the same thing; "You're so much better than this, you deserve so much better, you need to leave." But what did I do? I stayed for a total of three years. I've put up with things that I shouldn't even have to worry about at my age. For goodness sake, I'm in my early 20's! This should be the time to get out there and travel and live. Not be stuck and tied down to someone who was honestly going nowhere.
It wasn't until August 2016 on my twenty-fifth birthday, my first "real" girls night, that I deserved way better. I'm beautiful, sophisticated, and educated. I don't need to be crying every other night or arguing over the littlest things. I deserve to be HAPPY! And at that moment I began to sit back and watch and look for the things my friends have mentioned to me. My head and mind began to defog. I couldn't believe I trapped myself in a toxic environment. Never in a million years did I think this would be my "happily ever after."
A month later, after contemplating and talking to my friend about my situation, I got up the courage to walk into the house and pack up all my clothes and belongings. I have never packed so fast in my life! I packed up my car twice and didn't want to look back. It's the bravest and one of the best things I've done in my life.
I'm thankful for the rare friendships I have. I've met these girls throughout different stages of my life: high school, college, and beyond. They've helped and changed me for the better whether it was: listening over and over about how distraught I was in my past relationship, repeatedly telling me what I needed to hear but I never listened, and helping me through the process of healing through encouragement and keeping me busy.
I was at my worst and felt worthless. I never would've thought I would have found the perfect set of girls that would be there for me through thick and thin and hold lifelong relationships.
They say all you really need is a group of really bad ass and down to earth girlfriends.
And it's true.
They've given me the reality check that I couldn't see for myself.
I don't know what I would do without them.